Self-esteem and self confidence are said to be two concepts often used interchangeably. While self-esteem is the way you see, know and love yourself, is self confidence the feeling of trust in your abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The main difference between a narcissistic person and one who has high self-esteem is their self-image. The narcissistic person got an exaggerated and distorted sense of importance. On the other hand, people with good self-esteem is feeling an inner satisfaction that is less bloated, but more legitimate.
This inner feeling of satisfaction is a good feeling, and some sort of relief. We got to learn to drop the ambitions and just be human for a period. We just got one life……
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
– E.E. Cummings (from positivepsychology.com)
The stress can make us ill, and the self-esteem will drop even more and it may take you several years to rebuild and recover.
Studies of the brain and self-esteem
The University of Calgary has recently published a study made of dr. Dencel Kopala. His research highlights how negative self talk can contribute to depression. The self-esteem got a tendency to become lower, especially during periods of stress. If this isn´t being taking care of, you may get stucked in this negative self talk pattern. It will become harder to feel optimistic, joy and satisfaction. The most interesting part of this is that this negative self talk causes physical changes in certain parts of the brain. Dr. Johannes Klakl from University of Salzburg got the same conclusion in a study from 2014. People with these physical changes in the brain, are more vulnerable to depression.
Many therapists say that the way you talk to yourself, is the key to recovering. If that is the case, you can actually strengthen your mental health with positive self talk. With love to yourself and a healthy self confidence are the best defence to the most changes in your mood.
Low self-esteem and self confidence
I guess we all got days with all our ups and downs. We are only human, and if we can’t accept our limits the road to burnout is short.
Some say that a typical sign on low self-esteem are people who talk negatively about others to emphasize themselves. We are all doing the best we can, and no one can be 100% all the time. It is just impossible. If we want to find the inner peace I think we have to accept that.
When people are having low self-esteem they are doing tasks to prove to other people that they can perform the a specfic task. They are not doing it for their own benefit. In my point of view they don’t necessarily have low self confidence.I guess they would not say yes to a task, if they didn’t know they could perform it. This sign, I think, got also an element of competition.
A person may have low self-esteem when he or she is never satisfied with the performance, no matter how good and skilled he or she is. They are constantly comparing themself to others, and they are just good when no one else is better.
A characteristica of low self-esteem is that you are feeling ugly and think you would be happier if you were prettier. It doesn’t mean that the self confidence is low. Another characteristica is that you notice that you rather do what others expect of you, and behave the way you think others want you to be, rather than being yourself. If not you will have this feeling of quilty.
How can you help yourself?
I believe in positive self talks to increase the low self-esteem and self confidence. I have worked a lot with myself and my own mindset.
As an example my son and I at bedtime, listen to an app with just positive self talk or afirmations. I got access to this app after a course I joined 2-3 years ago. Even though it‘s made for children I got benefit of this app to.
Repeat each sentences 3 times. I have also recorded my own positive self talk or afimations on the mobile phone. Here is some examples:
1) I am more than good enough
2) I am the best in the world to be me
3) I deserve to be loved for who I am
4) My best is more than good enough
5) I am a cooperative person
6) I will always find a solution
7) I am a valuable person
8) I am a creative person
9) I deserve to have a good life
10) I laugh many times a day
These afirmations are just some of mine. You can adopt them or make your own personal.
After the positive self talk we listen to a mindfulness app for children. A lady talk you through what body parts to think of, and gradually you relax, and your mind let the problems go. You breathe more freely, and the pulse is calming down. The session ends with relaxing nature sounds.
If you love nature sounds, you can use Spotify for the same reason. I just love that and I really recommend it.
Help Yourself to Happiness
by Helen Steiner Rice
seeks happiness, it‘s true,
But finding it and keeping it
seem difficult to do.
Difficult because we think
that happiness is found
Only in the places where
wealth and fame abound.
And so we go on searching
in palaces of pleasure
and monetary treasure,
Unaware that happiness
is just a state of mind
Within the reach of everyone
who takes time to be kind.
For in making others happy
we will be happy, too.
For the happiness you give away
returns to shine on you.