Do I have breast cancer? Well, the radiologist seemed pretty sure, but I got to wait to January 2. before I know for certain. Then the team at the Breast diagnosis center will decide what kind og treatment I need. This waiting time is so very long. It feels like an eternity. I keep panicking all the time. What I fear the most is that the tumor should spread to the lymphoid tissue in the mean time, and how and what to tell my children….
First I took the mammography . And after that I went straight to the ultrasound room. I understood something was wrong when the radiologist used the ultrasound in the armpits or the axillae. She did not say anything before she decided to take three ultrasound guided biopsies. Afterwards I found out that they had found an 18 mm tumor on the ultrasound. The surgeon measured it to be 2 x 2.5 cm tumor.
After the mammography, ultrasound and the biopsies I talked with the surgeon. The only thing I know is that there will be a lumpectomy, a breast conservative treatment. When the surgeon told me this I became a little more optimistic. They did not find anything suspicious in the lymphoid tissue in my armpits. But even though I think I will go for a mastectomy. I doubt I will undergo a plastic reconstruction afterwards with more anesthesia and another recovery period. I am feeling to old for that, and I don’t want to be treated with radiation afterwards. That is the prize for doing a breast conservative treatment.
I am now feeling sick and I living in a bubble. The blood has dropped down to my feet and the wall of a dark tunnel is making the world narrow. It is like a rollercoaster of feelings. Every feelings you can think of. What I think of the most is my children, but I guess I should try to leave these thoughts for now. At least try to be positive. I want to give my children the perfect Christmas, so I need to come out of my bubble as quickly as possible. It helps to distract your mind. I try to listen to audiobooks and music, just to distract myself. Knitting and crochet are out of the question at the moment, because then I start to think all these negative thoughts. So right now this is not mental hygiene……
It is always smart to examine the breasts. Some doctors say once a month and others say every second month. The most important thing is that you do. My problem is I don’t remember when I examined mine the last time.
To make my story short I discovered my tumor after I was having my shower. I could not feel any tumor but when I bent over to dry my legs I saw an entrapment in my skin. Then I started to pinch myself. That’s when I felt it and I completely lost it….. Do I have breast cancer? Well, I am pretty sure of it.
What a Christmas this will be…….